Fort

Oh my gosh, oh damn it hurts. It hurts so much. I hate this feeling. Why can't i just get over it. Why cant i just forget it. Why can't it be erased from my memory.

I don't wanna go home. I don't wanna be near anything that reminds me. I just want to sleep. I really want to sleep.

Serenity, peace, joy. Where have you gone to. Where has the motivation to fight gone to. Where? I just want to feel that comfort and settle-ness within me. Oh how i wish i could run away from this place. Run far away from these miseries. I don't want to be emotional all the time. I don't want to have to keep all the hurt and tears welled up inside me. I don't want to block everyone out. I don't want to be so weak. No, i want to fight and be strong. To bring back that will for me to go on.

I want to give up. I really just want to give up. But i know that isn't what he brought me up to be. To be a loser. No he did not, but im so sorry dad, i just can't go on. I'm sorry, i just really want to give up.

I want to cry my heart out. Release all the pain. Every nook and cranny that reminds me of him brings up that wave of emotions which i push away with all i can to face the people around me. Its tiring. It's really tiring. I feel too vulnerable. I'm just too tired.

I really just want to give up.